Now that we’ve covered The Social Drinker, from kick-off to catastrophic failure, let’s look at how a professional holds their mud. An important fact to keep in mind: just because a habitual drinker’s perceived level may be different, to themselves and to others, does not mean they’re good to drive. In fact, they’re probably twice as bad as you think.

Habitual drinking changes your body at a cellular level. Cell membranes toughen, and your body learns to use alcohol for food. The first few drinks make you crisp, but it is all downhill from there.

* Author’s Note: We enjoy The Drink, here at FI. However, we do so responsibly. We are professionals, do not attempt this at home. Furthermore, we know better than to drive home. A chimp being attacked by a swarm of bees has a better chance of driving home safely. We have cab companies on speed dial.

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This segment is being done in two parts. Alcohol affects everyone differently. However, The Social Drinker (read: Teetotaling Sissy) will feel and behave much differently than a seasoned drinker. Since things vary heavily depending on bodyweight (and not all large people can hold their liquor), we’ll leave the levels based on blood concentration rather than number of drinks. Let’s start where it starts:

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