We like to drink. Alcohol is the solution in which we dissolve our problems, dull our senses and generally turn off our sensitivity to life’s aggravations. The following is an explanation of our scale, grade for grade.

C- Utter swill. Cheap, poor quality. Not worth the hangover.

C Inexpensive. Passing grade on taste if you’re only looking to get hammered. Unfortunately, it may have been adopted as the drink of choice by some hipster crowd or other pretentious band of douche-bags.

C+ Entertainment Value. If you’re looking to get drunk on the cheap, this will do just fine.

B- Overpriced call brand. Probably the result of good marketing. Don’t bother.

B Decent call brand. Unfortunately, it has some stigma attached to it and you may look like an asshole for drinking it.

B+ Good call brand. Worth the extra money.

A- Overpriced shelf. For some reason people drink this over-priced, over-labeled garbage.

A Hyped shelf. A good thing gone foul, this has become the drink-of-choice for some celebrity or sub-set. What may have been a decent drink is now overpriced for the fact that you look like a total fuck-head for ordering it.

A+ Top shelf. This is the milk that flows forth from God’s tit. Pure, sweet nectar, and worth every penny.

There is also the Douchebag Factor.  The more undeserved hype that is heaped upon a brand, the more its reputation is built by marketing alone, the more gimmicks are used to push it on frat boys and trend whores, the more you look like a douchebag for drinking it.  The Douchebag Factor may vary by region.