. . . And begging is contemptible.  I stand by that.

Asking is not simply interrogative.  Asking is a transfer of power.  There is always the possibility that the other party might not grant their approval.  If that happens, you lose face.

Humans are inherently social creatures.  Putting yourself out for the approval of others is par for the course.  While it would be unreasonable to expect people to eliminate this behavior entirely, careful management can go a long way.

If asking really is begging, what is a man to do?  How does he approach a woman?  How does he ask her out?  How does he get her consent?

The short answer is:  he doesn’t.

I was reminded of this fundamental part of Bastard Game recently in a post about condoms.  Ferdinand points out the dangers of asking for permission when it isn’t called for.  Specifically, he cites the potential post-coital awkwardness of asking a woman her preference when disposing of the rubber(s).

Why anyone would ask is beyond me.  Get up, flush the dick bag.  No explanation necessary.  If she asks, tell her you don’t want her stealing your sperm.  If she doesn’t like it, tough.

The problem with asking is as much a trick of language as it is a trick of psychology.  Language is the basis of thought, and a careful choice of words can get you far.

Consider the Hard Sell:

You are developing rapport with a woman.  She is touching her hair, touching your arm, giving you favorable indicators of interest.  However, you are playing it cool and aloof.

You want to give her your number and leave it at that, but she is brash and self-assured and playing you back.  She wants to be chased.  At the same time, asking her out will mean asking for her permission.  No matter what you say, this is what she’ll hear:

Please, Mrs. Lady, can I have a date with you?

So what do you do?

You play her signals.  A little push-pull* develops.  Getting her out to expand rapport and escalate does not require written consent.  It only requires her to show up.

Behold the power of suggestion:

“I’m doing xxxx on Thursday.  You should join me.  8:00.  Promptish.”

This is not a question, it’s a sales pitch.  You’re not asking for her to approve it, you’re offering a product that she is actively shopping for.  If you’re reading her signals right, she’s already giving you permission for this escalation.

The Hard Sell is a bold move, even arrogant.  A lot rides on your delivery.  The difference between setting a date and being a dickhead lies in your tone and body language.  Be playful, but with enough confidence to show that you’re serious.

She should understand that these are your plans. If she doesn’t want to be a part of them, then she is replaceable.  For her, you are a perishable commodity.  It is essential to lay the proper groundwork.

Working a Push-Pull* is an excellent way to set up the Hard Sell.  Anyone who has ever been arrested is familiar with the Push-Pull; this is the basis of the Reid Method, the gold standard of interrogation tactics.

Good Cop, Bad Cop.

Push-Pull is all about emotional turmoil.  Taking a woman off-balance lowers her defenses.  This is a cornerstone of Bastard Game.

During attraction building, be a bit aloof.  Tempo your Game to allow for moments of distraction on your part.  Your apparent interest in her must wax and wane.

Glance off.  Abruptly change topics.  Shift your posture between indicating interest and pulling away from her.  For every solid indicator of interest she gives you, reward her with disinterest.  When she appears uncomfortable, reel her back in.

When she begins to escalate physically, giving you multiple touch indicators, it’s time to close.  When you do, it is absolutely crucial that you do not say “could”.

Could is a possibility.  It invites objection.

Should is an obligation.  She is touching you.  She is batting her eyelashes.  These are not accidents.  She is interested.  Your job is to point out that her body is writing checks (interest) and it is time to cash them.

As with any Sales Pitch, you may have to deal with objections.

I don’t know.

I have plans.

I have a boyfriend.

Some of her objections may be true.  However, she may also be testing you.  Objections are attempts by the woman to Logic you away.  She isn’t necessarily telling you facts, she is rationalizing.

Objections can be overcome.

1.  Don’t Debate:  This is an emotional decision.  Do not argue with her.  Do not attempt to win her over with logic.  Never deflect her questions.

By deflecting her objections, you are telling her that she doesn’t have the right to feel something.  You might as well tell her that her insides are broken.  If you like jerking off, argue with her.

2. All Ears:  Don’t oversell your confidence by telling her what she thinks, or how she feels.  Listen to what she tells you before countering her play.  Actually listening will make you seem less likely to fuck-n-flee, and help her to feel more comfortable with you.

3. Reframe:  Feed her own objection back to her.  Rephrase it in the form of a question, make her own it.  If her concern is legitimate, this will come through in her response.

“Yes, I have a boyfriend,” or “Hey, Smasher, c’mere . . . ” is usually a good sign that she was telling the truth.

Don’t dead-pan her, she will take this as your acceptance of defeat.  Look shocked.  A boyfriend? Your surprise will remind her that she was, in fact, flirting with you.  She should have told you sooner, rather than putting out signals.

4. Counter and Close:  Truth is relative.  Manipulate the context of her objection.

“What made you think it was a romantic invitation?”

“That’s too bad, my girlfriend would have loved to meet you.”

Probe her objection carefully.  Ask how long they’ve been dating, ask about her plans.  Make suggestions to counter her objections.  Tell her to change her plans.

If her objections are a smokescreen, then she’ll probably take the bait.  She may jump objections.

Alright, I really don’t have a boyfriend.  But I made plans with my friend and I don’t want to cancel on her, etc . . .

Jump from objection to objection is a sign that her defenses are crumbling.  Ask her if the friend is attractive.  If so, demand she bring her friend.

If she doesn’t take the bait and walks, then she was only milking you for attention.  Attention whores are cheap, and you get what you pay for.

For a few dollars more . . .