It recently occurred to me that there is a disparity between how men and women define Hooking Up.  The female definition seems to involve making out and heavy petting.  Everything else is Banging.

There was no mention of oral sex.  Gray area.  Everyone avoided the subject.

For me, the definitions are opposite.  Hooking up involves conjoined genitals.  Everything else is just fucking around . . .

The degree of sexual activity has changed.  The antiquated four-base system of sexual activity must be retired.  It does not adequately describe the hierarchy of sexual activity.

The game has changed.  The ante has been upped.  No one cares if you’ve touched a girl’s tit anymore.  Making out?  That’s not even out of the locker room . . .

The following is the updated Four-Base system.

1st Base:  Manual

Handjobs/Tit-fucking.  Outer course.  Who counts kissing, anyway?  You’re not rounding the bases until you get cum on something.

2nd Base:  Oral

Teens now think nothing of giving oral.  Some people would argue that oral is more intimate than intercourse, but you can’t get pregnant shooting down someone’s throat.

Analingus counts as sliding into second.

3rd Base:  Sex

That’s right, fucking is only third base.  Oral is only an appetizer.  Sex is the the main course.  However, it is still possible to go farther.

Anal intercourse, like anal-oral, counts as sliding into base.  In either case you come up dirty.

Home Run . . .

The threesome is the full home run.  It’s like sex, only more of it.  Make sure to touch every base on your way around . . .

If you hook up some group sex and get a few friends laid in the deal, it’s a bona fide Grand Slam.