In the back of my head I can hear Ed Norton’s voice: Is that what a real man looks like?

Recently, Game Blogger Roosh posted a piece entitled Are You A Real Man? Bemoaning the state of modern manhood, he outlined two qualifications for manhood as he saw it.  To be fair, he was only 50% way-the-fuck off.

Let me explain . . . 

Roosh’s first qualification:

1. Ability to get laid at will. If you can’t get laid with multiple women, you’re not a real man, plain and simple.  If you can’t mate with superior genes then you’re a blight on the human condition, and should be euthanized. What else is there more important to human existence than fucking?  Nothing.

This is the most asinine thing I’ve ever read.  I can say this because I’ve never read a Dan Brown novel.  First of all, the assumption that being a Man requires fucking/mating with women at all is asinine.  I know a few homosexual guys that have more credibility as Men than most of the cooze-mongering straight guys I’ve met.  Roosh’s assumption here is that ‘real men’ demonstrate their superiority with their ability to get high quality pussy.

I’d like to smash this idea with a hammer.

In the cultural context at which this statement was aimed, it is a sign of manliness to be able to deftly woo a beautiful woman.  However, Roosh hamfists this explanation with the limp naturalistic notion of “superior genes”.  In this case, superior genes means “physically attractive”.  The cultural definition of “attractive” is a very broad category.  Furthermore, the underweight grad student/model that many guys would pass off as a Perfect 10 (genetically superior) is probably physiologically undersuited for the carrying of anyone’s genes.

Except briefly, in her mouth.

Somewhere in southern Vietnam is an ass-ugly woman about 4′9″.  She’s giving birth into one hand as she works the paddy with her other.  She’ll lob her newborn bastard a 25 yarder at one of her 12 other kids, thus implying they ought to feed it and care for it.  Then she’ll go right back to work.  I promise she has Nat-Geo breasts and a hard leather face.  She can crack rocks in her teeth, and chews tobacco during sex.  In an argument about genetic superiority, this mama-san will rend fake tits and limp cock with her hardened yellow nails.

She is a hardcore survivor.

I recognize the efficacy of Game as a social-networking tool.  It is a means for men to knock over quality ass – no easy task – and requires skill.  Skill is admirable.  More to the point, men admire skill with women because women are difficult and most men like fucking them.  Is that 50% of enough to define a Man?

No.

Roosh’s second qualification:

2. Personal strength.  Can you defend your lifeblood if the shit really hits the fan?  Can you protect yourself against an attacker?  Otherwise you are not a real man.  Personal strength comes in two forms: the confidence to make a stand and the physical apparatus to carry it out.  If you fall over at the slightest breeze then are you not suitable for life, and should be terminated.

Generally speaking, I couldn’t agree more.  However, physical manliness exists on a continuum.  At one end is Goliath, about a stone’s throw past Brock Lesnar.  At the other is probably a blogger, or a lab geek, or someone with a Ph.D. in front of their name.  Of course, some wiry kid with a sling dropped Goliath like a sack of hair.

I’ve been in and out of gyms, weight-rooms, and bars (working and drinking) for a long time.  Fitness and martial arts are a way of life for me.  I’ve got the callouses and blisters to prove it.  Not to mention the separated ribs, hyperextended joints and the occasional mild concussion.  I’ve dropped guys much larger than me.  I’ve seen a scrawny blue belt tap a 189 lb black belt in competition.

This is to say nothing of the men born crippled in some way or another who have contributed greatly, despite their disabilities, to this filthy human race.  Roosh cites the “confidence” to make a stand.  What he means is Will.  It takes Will to tangle with a better fighter and win.  Or a bigger guy.  It takes Will to eat a punch and keep coming.

Most guys get hysterical.  “He punched me in my face!” They lose their composure.  After a while, getting hit, or getting ugly, is just par for the course.  Colliflower ear (collie) is something you drain or live with.  You ignore the comments about “rolling around with sweaty men” because you know the person saying it doesn’t fucking get it.

Feminists often argue that Manhood as we understand it is purely a social construct.  If this stands to reason, then the common notion of strong men smashing things with their heads and their hands and overcoming great adversity is just a bullshit viral meme.  If this stands to reason, then manhood can mean anything.

If manhood can mean anything, then I choose for manhood to stand for absolute Strength under any circumstance.  What man would willingly identify himself as “soft, gentle or weak”?  What man would willingly identify himself as a cunt?

To be a man is to be willing to face adversity at any cost.  Men can climb mountains, slay dragons, and leap tall buildings in a single bound.

And if they can’t, they are fucking working on it . . .